Flowers of Hawaii - Part 2

This entry will have plants and trees - with and without flowers - real and imaginary!

Beth took this photo at sunset at Waikiki Beach. The banyan tree was pretty common around Hawaii. This one was huge. In the town of Hilo (near where we stayed on the Big Island) they had famous people plant banyan trees - Mark Twain being one. I think there is a tree there that started as a cutting from a cutting from the tree Buddha supposedly planted back in the 6th Century BC.

But back to the island of Oahu... the next morning we went to the Byodo-Inn temple, which was a replica of a famous Japanese temple. To reach the temple we had to go through a cemetary. Along the way we stopped by this egret perched on flowering bushes who was so close we could have reached out and touched.On the temple grounds we found mini bamboo forests. This particular forest intrigued me, but it was the sign which caught my attention. Okay, I admit, I have a weird sense of humour. But really, wet floor? I never considered grass to be a floor, nor needing a sign.I enjoyed playing with the sepa setting on my camera. I thought it made the bamboo forest seem even more exotic.On the Big Island, between the tide pools and the evening hike to see the lava flowing, we stopped at the Lava Tree State Park. There was a lot of greenery.Here you can see the chasms created during an eruption in 1790.But the lava trees were what I had come for. Lava trees form when flast flowing pahoehoe lava encounters wet 'ohi'a trees. As the flow drains away, it leaves a thick coating around the dying tree. So really, you aren't looking at trees, but what formed around the tree. The trees themselves died long ago. In this picture you can see two small trees and around four stumps.Here is a bird's eye view of where a tree used to be. I'm not sure what these plants are. The yellow 'flowers' reminded me of bullrushes. Any ideas on what this one is called?

I don't have names for the rest of these flowers. Please jump right in if you do! I'm not all that knowledgeable about plant names, but this reminded me of a morning glory. This was a delicate little purple flower. I much prefer large, fat flowers to tiny.
This red flower looked like it was growing horns!
My guess for this one would be burning or flaming something or other.These cut flowers we found at the market. They grow in the wild in Hawaii. Still hard to believe I was in such an exotic place that grew these flowers and I didn't have to visit a florist to see them. There's a Chinese couple who have a flower shop 2 blocks from where we live in Victoria. I often stop by to pick up a little boquet of flowers for Beth to look at during the day while I'm at work. They have the best selection. When I was in the shop last week I saw they had grown a number of orchids like these purple and white ones. Each plant had one orchid stem with a handful of flowers. And each plant was about $35. I never asked how much they were at the market in Hawaii. Probably a couple of bucks as there was a great supply of them.One of my regrets is not getting to the market earlier in the trip to buy lots of exotic fruit. I'm not very adventurous when it comes to eating, but did try a fresh pineapple (I could smell them from about 20 feet away), star fruit (the sour variety our driver in the Waipio Valley picked for us) and papaya. The market had huge papaya's 4/$1. I found some in our local grocery store the other week and they were about $4 for 1. The papaya tasted okay, but I think I'd stick with the pineapple. They will never taste or smell as good as the one we had in Hawaii.

Flowers of Hawaii - Part 1

When we first arrived on The Big Island we had a few hours to kill before our rental van was ready. While we waited we looked through the tourist literature and looked at places to visit. Beth found a botanical garden and said we should go there so “Linda can take pictures.” I told her I wasn’t into flowers so much that I needed to visit the botanical gardens.

Those words came back to haunt me as Beth and Cheryl had to wait while I took pictures of every type of flower I came across.

I was taking pictures of this pretty little plant which didn’t seem to mind all the sulphuric gases from the craters and steam vents.
These plants fared better than these bushes which had many dead and dying leaves and berries. The flower sure is pretty, and if memory serves me correctly there’s a myth about how Pele (the volcano god) turned a beautiful woman into the flower so that she could stay near her lover forever.

Flowers seemed to be everywhere. Orchids are wildflowers on the Big Island and grow in bushes along the side of the road like the one to our vacation rental home. So delicate.

Right outside our house were some hibiscus plants and there was only one flower on them while we were there. But what a beauty.

The hibiscus is the state flower of Hawaii. We saw two other types of hibiscus when we were in the Waipio Valley. These ones are called sleeping hibiscus because they don’t ever open.

There was also the more rare double hibiscus which our guide picked for us. The valley was the only place we ever saw these.

The Waipio Valley is where I was first introduced to ginger flowers. I never connected ginger root with big bushes with lovely scented flowers. We saw them in three colours: white, yellow and purple. The white had my favourite scent and was most appealing to me esthetically. I was so happy to find the hand lotion and some bars of soap in this scent. Thanks Beth for convincing me to buy the second bottle of lotion for ‘you’.

The yellow grew in big bunches and seemed a bit more spindly.

Then there were the purple ones which I didn’t even realize were ginger until I saw them in a store which was selling the roots.

Beth teases me about my exclamations when I find things growing or living ‘in the wild’ when the only place I’ve ever seen them before is in stores or conservatories. This applied to the flowers and also the fish I saw in the tidepools. I’ve seen these leaves in the conservatory back home in Winnipeg but didn’t know what they were.

Turns out they are wild tarot – and not edible like the domesticated tarot which is grown a lot in the Waipio Valley.

Speaking of flowers which are bad for you, the valley also has Angel Trumpets.

They sound, well… angelic but are anything but. They are very poisonous and if you touch them you really need to wash your hands and anything else that got in contact with them.

Here are a few other exotic looking flowers we found in the valley – of which I have no names for…

Please let me know the names if you happen to know what they are. This one is really strange and kind of gives me the creeps.
These are about half the flower photos. Will post the others on another day. Looking over the photos I took, I guess I was more ‘into’ flowers that I thought.

Making the Dream Reality

It is finally happening… plans are falling into place and we are going to Hawaii in a few months! I normally plan vacations pretty thoroughly but this time there are more considerations as Linda and I also plan for Beth’s needs. I find myself making contingency plans to prepare for any breathing problems Beth will have when we go up Mauna Kea (13,000 feet in elevation). I surf the internet looking for all the disability friendly sight seeing opportunites on the Big Island. I have researched possible options which would allow Beth to snorkel with us. I make and remake packing lists to be sure nothing important is forgotten. I am looking forward to this trip and will cherish every moment and every memory.

On a weekly basis I see Beth grow weaker. I see her systems seemingly fail randomly and sometimes, just as randomly, begin functioning again. I am there with Linda as the pain steals her strength and her sanity. I watch as she uses sheer determination to push past the pain and LIVE rather than exist. I don’t have any idea how long it will be before Beth flies away. So, I work to build happy memories. I want Beth to know joy and love as much as possible. That’s why even when it seemed an impossible dream I started planning for the possibility of going to Hawaii.

Now that dream is coming together. We have our flights. We have most of our accommodations. We have a rental vehicle reserved. We are making lists of what we want to see. Linda and I are planning the budget to cover it all. We may eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches before and during the vacation. We will certainly be stretched thin financially but, we will have the chance to make Hawaii memories with Beth and that is worth every sacrifice.

Elizabeth F. McClung needs you!!

In the past 18 months, over 300 people have asked to be part of the Postcard Project – requesting postcards for themselves or their loved ones. We send postcards to over 400 individuals.

Last week I sent an email to individuals we had email addresses for asking for their help. If you’ve received and responded to that email there’s no need for you to read further. This blog entry is intended to reach those people who have never given us email addresses or have changed their email addresses and haven’t let us know.

It’s hard to believe that it was only last year that Elizabeth started the Postcard Project. It was just going to be a one-time deal, sending postcards to any of her readers at Screw Bronze while we were in Japan for our grand adventure before Elizabeth’s health prevented further travels. Well, several thousand postcards later, she’s still at it.

Unfortunately, every few weeks a postcard is returned as the recipient has moved. I thought it was time to update our mailing list so that Beth’s postcards and the energy she put into creating them is not wasted.

The Postcard Project is a really important project for Beth. She’s intimately familiar with loneliness and wants to do her part to change the world, letting others know they are not alone. She does this with her postcards. At first she did it all on her own but as her health has steadily deteriorated she has needed more and more assistance. In fact, there are weeks where she doesn’t get to stamp or sticker at all, just matching cards to people and writing all the comments. But she’s adamant about her motto – no one gets left behind! And if that means she works through the night, or falls over when she’s putting her weight behind some of the larger animal stamps, so be it.

Now this kind of freaks me out, to put it mildly. And I struggle between supporting Beth with her dreams of helping others and trying to put a stop to the dream because of the cost to her health. But I know stopping the project has an emotional cost – the postcards are Beth’s way of reaching out to others – and stopping the project would leave a gaping hole in her ‘community’ and feeling of self-worth as a human being.

So, I have a couple of favours to ask…

My first request is for you to contact me to let me know what you thought of the postcards, whether they have made a difference in your or your loved one’s life, and whether you/they would like to continue receiving them. Please be honest. If they brighten your day or your week we want to keep sending them to you. If they’re about as interesting as the other stuff in your mailbox, please tell us that too, so we can take you off the list and help conserve Beth’s energy.

Send an email to me at Linda.mcclung at shaw.ca or leave a comment here. If we don’t hear from you by August 15, 2009 we will remove your name from the list, assuming our information is out of date or that you do not want to receive further postcards.

I want to stress again that Beth really wants to send you postcards if you still want them. Don’t feel guilty about receiving them if they make a difference to you. You’re the one we really want to reach. It’s just that we don’t hear back from most people so have no idea how they are received. And I’m honest enough to admit that I sometimes wonder what’s the point and wish Beth would spend her time elsewhere.

But reading the responses from last week’s email, my faith in the recipients has been restored. The comments reinforced the difference that Beth’s postcards have made in people’s lives. They’ve inspired me to give Beth more help with the cards and less negativity. I’m also going to compile many of the positive comments into a word document that Beth can turn to time and time again when she is feeling alone and of little value.

My second request is that, if you are able, please reciprocate and send Elizabeth a postcard or note back. Her personal mail has gone down to a slow dribble and she’s feeling the loneliness of being indoors and alone most of the time. Receiving mail from you would really keep her spirits up. We put return address labels on the postcards, but I’ve included our post office address in case you may have misplaced your cards.

Elizabeth McClung
PO Box 2560
Port Angeles, WA 98362
USA

Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Fragile, Handle With Care

That phrase seems to best describe all three of us this weekend…

Beth

Beth is frightened. Beth has been very sick and the changes in her from last weekend are startling and frightening. She is thinner and gaunt. She is weaker. Her skin is translucent. There is a sense of fragility as though merely touching her with my clumsy hands will break her. Beth has always had a BIG presence and now she seems smaller. There is urgency in Beth’s actions – a need to push to finish things. There are presents to send, postcards and letters to write. She has a need to do what she can to make sure Linda is taken care of. The universe is unfair, Beth is frightened and she is fragile.

Linda

Linda is frightened. She can’t stop the degeneration Beth’s illness causes. She can’t pretend that there will be a happy ever after and that she and her love will grow old together. So Linda throws herself into things she can control. She rearranges the living room furniture. She focuses on feeding us. She makes lists of what to do and prioritizes them. She makes a master list of the lists. Hers are the actions of someone trying to keep the fear at bay. She is trying to be strong, to be the anchor and yet she is wounded as well. The universe is unfair, Linda is frightened and she is fragile.

Cheryl

I am frightened. The changes in Beth from week to week are no longer subtle. I stay up much too late during the week reading medical journals on line and looking for anything we can do to improve Beth’s quality of life and her quantity of life. I wish I could take an extended leave of absence to be here more. I count the weeks before my workload eases enough for me to be granted more leave. I hate the 18 miles of water that puts limits on how readily I can get to Victoria if/when needed. I hate the uncompassionate and apathetic healthcare Beth receives. I hate the lack of wealth that keeps us from seeking medical help in other places. I am trying to be strong, to be someone Beth and Linda can lean on. Yet my emotions are so near the surface. The more I try to control them and keep them in, the more they break through. I am frightened and it makes me snappy. I am frightened and it makes me sad. I am frightened and it makes me hurt. I am frightened and I cry.

The universe is unfair, I am frightened and I am fragile.

Constants, Changes and Boundaries

I have been doing a lot of thinking about how Beth’s life is now. Of course this is all based on my perceptions and Beth most likely has a somewhat different view. Well, I can’t speak for Beth or Linda so my perceptions are what you get.

At this time there seems to be two definite constants for Beth – fear and change. I hope there is a third constant of love from Linda, me and the extended family Beth has built through her blog but I think the fear often overrides the feeling of being loved.

Fear is Beth’s constant companion. With her memory problems increasing and her regressions, much of what we take for granted is lost to her. She often doesn’t recognize this apartment. She doesn’t know who the careworkers are, doesn’t understand why she is sick and has to use a wheelchair, doesn’t understand why strangers keep telling her what to do. Imagine being a toddler lost in a gigantic crowded shopping mall and you might get an idea of what the fear is like. When Beth is not regressed the fear is still there. It is the fear of what happens next with her condition: fear of overheating, losing more function, losing cognitive abilities even more, never being treated, never being taken seriously by the medicos. There is fear of being abandoned by everyone or of being institutionalized.

Adding to the fear and often fueling it is change. Beth’s condition fluctuates, often quite dramatically. During good periods she can do 10K’s, visit the park, play badminton write or talk on many complex topics and conduct in depth research. During bad periods she becomes very weak and loses cognitive abilities. These are the times when she is too sick to muster the energy to leave the apartment, go to the doctor or finish simple tasks.

Beth can go from the good periods to the bad periods in the course of a few days, a few hours or even a few minutes. I have been conversing with her and over the course of 30 minutes she loses energy, cognitive ability and regresses. I started out talking to adult Beth and now I am talking with the 5 year old who doesn’t understand what I am saying. It is these periods of rapid regression which cause the most anxiety and fear. I (or Linda) am dealing with Beth as I would with any adult. By the time I realize that I need to switch to dealing with a 5 year old I have made Beth upset and frightened. I am trying to learn to pick up on the cues to Beth regressing to avoid causing the fear.

As part of learning to interact in ways that don’t increase Beth’s anxiety I have become very aware of boundaries. We all have a series of boundaries that are part of how we interact with others. There are people in my life who I am more comfortable with. I have different boundaries for them compared to casual acquaintances or co-workers. I trust people who respect my boundaries and am suspicious of people who ignore them.

For Beth boundaries are important. With the medical stuff she has lost many choices and people touch her often, regardless of if she is comfortable with it. When she goes to bed she is hovered over as we watch for seizures or to be sure she keeps breathing. She has no privacy in showering or being in the bathroom. A lot of the boundaries have fallen victim to her illness. This is why it is so very important to respect other boundaries Beth has.

There is just one area where Beth seems to be unable to set boundaries – when she perceives that someone needs help. Beth is the most giving person I have ever known who always places herself last. This means there are times when Beth will stay up all night emailing people who are having a tough time even though it costs her so much energy her body can’t manage to breathe without prompting.

If I am having a bad time, need support and I keep it from Beth that hurts her. She wants to be there for me (as well as other friends who need help). I just have to balance it so that Beth doesn’t make herself weaker/sicker in the course of being there for me. I have to remember that while Beth can help me I also need to help myself. Just as it is important to Beth that I know she cares, it is important to me that her caring for me not push her closer to hospital.

Hmmm… it would seem I have some tasks.
Help Beth feel that being loved is also a constant in her life.
Understand the cognitive and physical changes Beth goes through and react in ways that reassure her and make her feel safe.
Be aware of boundaries and honor them. Place boundaries to help Beth put her health first more.

Well this blog post seems to have gotten quite rambling. Thank you for letting me sort out my thoughts. If they have helped you as well then that is even better.

Fundraising update

Beth and I have had a busy couple of weeks trying to raise some funds.

Manga on Ebay

Beth and I spent most of the last week listing over 60 items on ebay. It’s a lot more work than it looks like and definitely a team effort. Beth and I sort through the manga she’s read into what’s to keep and what’s to sell. The sell pile then gets sorted into different days items are to be listed. Each day either Beth or I take the photos and weigh the manga sets. Beth or I resize the photos and I calculate the postage. I start a word document entering in the name of the manga set, the weight, postage rates and the ‘fine print’ which Beth wrote last time we sold manga. Beth is the one who lists the items on ebay, she copy and pastes the info I put together and then writes her own summary and review of each manga set. She also finds or writes reviews to add to the listing. It’s not what most sellers do, but we’ve found that people are more willing to bid on an item if they have positive reviews to read.

Beth’s part is the most difficult part of the process. And it has come at a great cost to Beth’s health. I watched Beth spend multiple hours each evening listing the items. She’d do it no matter what physical condition she was in – nauseous, lots of pain, eyes not focusing, weak from sitting in the bathroom for hours, fingers blue and drifting in and out of consciousness. Emotionally and mentally there was a cost, too. The listings were done in the evenings. As evenings progress Beth’s cognitive ability deteriorates. When she’s really tired, which she was, she doesn’t know who she is, her brain can’t comprehend the words that I speak, and what she speaks comes out slurred at best and jibberish at worst. But even if it slows so that she has to concentrate for each movement and putting up a listing goes from taking 8 minutes to taking an hour, she simply won’t stop. When she is done I try to take her to bed. She says, “I can’t understand you” (A couple times she lost the ability to understand language), and she points to the computer, opens up her blog and starts writing comments. Will she understand me if I pull my hair out sideways and scream I wonder? Why is she SO stubborn (she calls it ‘driven’)!! And why can’t she trust me to take care of her?

I am always torn because I know she needs the money and it will boost her spirits when stuff sells, but I could see it was really making her really sick. So as the days went by, as she worked for hours for 9 consecutive days, I changed from letting her do the listings and adding in the weights to doing that for her, then doing the photos. But I hadn’t read the manga so couldn’t write the review and had no idea what to start the bidding at for each set. After six days of working so hard Beth asked if she could leave the rest of the manga for another sale later in the year. I quickly said ‘yes!’ as it just wasn’t worth the physical costs Beth was having to pay. I was relieved Beth wanted to stop as she’s a very driven person when she feels responsible for something. And she was feeling very responsible for bringing in the money and pushed herself too far. I think asking for permission to stop was a hard thing for her to do but I am very glad she did it. Of course then she just ‘added a few more’ for the next three days in order to bring it to 62 lots.

We’ve timed the items to finish on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night this weekend. Once they’re done Beth will spend more time and energy sending invoices and following up with winners and I’ll prepare the items for mailing. Some packages Cheryl can take back with her but I will be mailing most of them later in the week.

The bids are slowly going up which is encouraging. Most only have one bid on them so far. If you are interested in buying some manga you can check out our listings on ebay. Our seller name is l-bstuff. You may notice that a few of the manga we’ve received as gifts are listed. We hope the gift-givers are not offended (Beth is worried about this, selling a gift she has read). I hope you feel that you’ve given two donations for the price of one! Beth enjoyed reading the manga that you sent and now she is turning it into cash for future use.

Beth will take half of the money earned to repay an old debt and a quarter will be used to pay for items relating to the postcard project already waiting (an email correspondence from Feb 20th turned into an invoice 2 days ago). The remaining quarter is up for debate. Beth could have a reserve to use for future purchases. But Beth wants to give me the money to put toward the van repairs. The ‘check engine’ light has been on the last two weeks and to get it to go off we have to get one of the oxygen sensors replaced (over $200). I, on the other hand, am hoping Beth will take the money and put it towards the Sakura-con in Seattle next month.

Books, Books and More Books

This is a fundraiser for medical expenses… on Saturday there is a garage sale at the local seniors centre. They have one a couple of times a year and I’ve been going with Beth’s books or book fair stock from the UK each time. I manage to sell about a box each time. This year I’ve bought two tables so am hoping to double my income – or possibly even more because I’ll have more space to display the books. Over the years doing dozens of book fairs, we’ve found the more books people can see and flip through the higher the probability they will buy something.

When I mentioned to Beth that the sale is this weekend and said she wants to pick out more of her books to sell. That means going through boxes of books, looking some of their values up and then pricing them. Even if I do the heavy lifting, I don’t think she has the strength to do this work. The way she pushes herself really scares me sometimes and I just want to take her away to a safe and financially secure place where there is no need to work and she can just rest. For now, I am trying to convince her I have enough books already priced that it is not necessary to do the extra work.

I’m thinking of taking the laptop with me to the sale and if there is a quiet time, compile a list of the books, their ISBN and their price. As several readers mentioned they’d be interested her books, I thought I’d put a list together on this blog and those who are interested can browse through it to see if anything strikes their fancy.

This and That

I’m also planning on having a garage sale (well, a curb-side sale seeing as we’re in an apartment block) in April or May. There are some things in storage that I want to get rid of and some other odds and ends around the house that are just taking up space. I may even sell a couple of old kitchen chairs which belonged to our previous table and are currently scattered throughout the apartment. More space is needed to make room for the mobility devices Beth has in order to get around.

I advertised the old powerchair we were given but almost never used and have someone coming to take a look at it tomorrow afternoon. Fingers crossed that he will like what he sees and takes it away leaving behind some cash!

Donations

I’m looking forward to going back to work soon. My GP is looking at me returning after Easter. This is good news as I really miss having a full paycheque. It has made things especially tight the last few months and I want to say again how much I appreciated the donations people have given over the winter. I think many people are having a hard time financially during this economic downturn. Because of the hard times, any donations people give mean even more to Beth and I as we know how much incomes have to stretch. We do not want anyone to go without basic necessities so if you want to donate to the medical fund, postcard or other purposes, please only give what you are able.

Thanks again and I’ll give an update next week on how the auction and book sale went.